I’m studying abroad for law school, so my dad sent this really cute birthday email to me (I turned 24 so it’s also my zodiac year of the ox):
We skyped later about it and the conversation went something like this:
Dad: Did you like my email?
Me: I thought it was so sweet! Thanks so much! Two questions though. What shopping bags are you talking about? Those are cake slices!
Dad: Oh really?? Hmm…my eyesight isn’t as good as it used to be. I must be getting old.
Me: And what’s a red-horned maverick?
Dad: You don’t know what a maverick is? It’s a baby cow!
Me: But those are devil faces, Dad….
Dad: WHAAAT. Those are cow faces with red horns!
While vacationing in Xi’an, my dad explained the story of Emperor Xuanzong and his favorite concubine, Yang Guifei.
Me: WHAT? He had that many wives??!
Dad: Yes, but Yang Guifei was his favorite cucumber.
How is the mattress? If it is still hurts, you need to see a Doctor. You need to get used to the new job. If the work load is too much, you can talk to your manager. Does everyone work that long hours? It should be getting better as it goes. The current heavy load may be
cumulated as people are expecting your arriver. The two years working experience is very important to your career. I will talk to you this weekend. Julie got a new god last night, 6 weeks old. it pees everywhere.
I was knocking to go into my parents bed since their master bedroom washroom has the stored toothpaste & my washroom had ran out of toothpaste.
As I was on my way to my parents room, before I even knock, my dad yells out loud, “DO NOT ENTER! I AM IN SEXY MODE!”
I’m guessing, or pretty sure that he was changing into his pajamas.
My husband, his family, and I were out eating lunch. The waitress asked my father-in-law what he wanted, so he replied in his thick Filipino accent, “Ahh I’ll hab dee isteak isandweets (steak sandwich).”
The waitress then asked, “How would you like your steak sir?”
He confidently replied, “Ah, just cut it up.” (insert chopping hand motion)
My dad realized that he had opened up a Facebook account several months ago and decided to reactivate it. He came up to me with a printed version of the email from Facebook and said, “Jas, help me get my Facebook account working.” I agreed and added him as my friend at the end.
Five hours later, I was notified that someone had commented on my Facebook status:
Ken BT at 10:27pm July 13
Hi dear, don’t know how to accept you on facebook. But to me, you are
always accepted, in any shape or form.
Plan something for your b-day & let me know. Love, dad.
Dad: Your uncle wants to take you and your cousins crapping.
Dad: Yeah, crapping.
Me: -after a moment of thought- …You mean to catch crappies [type of fish]?
Dad: No, he said crapping.
When I got home, I received an email from my uncle. Part of it read, “I am thinking of taking the kids crabbing sometime before summer is over.”
I will be at airport at 8:00am on Thursday. You must pick me up but I will have no cell phone. The battery is low and I forgot to pack charger. You must remember to pack charger when you travel. Do not be angry like I am now. You cannot call me at airport. So look for me. I will wear brown jacket. I will look for your green car.
Remember I will wear brown jacket.
My dad tried to tell my mom how she “looked down on people” before actually knowing their abilities…by literally translating a Chinese saying:
Dad: You! You doggy eye look people low!
Our dad smokes a lot so me and my sisters were trying to slyly convince him to get into some hookah. We thought he knew what we were talking about. He didn’t.
Us: Yeah there’s lots of places downtown where you could get hookah.
Dad: Mmhhmm like on the streets.
Us: Uhh yeah in those lounges.
Dad: But the ones on the corner, they’re so expensive.
Us: Which hookah in the corner?
Dad: Her name is Candy.
I have a friend who’s middle name is “No”, because when her dad was filling out her birth certificate, there was no middle name for her, so that’s what he wrote.
Dad: buffet bought Suncor!
Me: huh? which one?
Dad: Suncor, you know, the canadian oil sands
Me: yea, I know, but which buffet? Can buffets even buy stock?
Dad: yea, buffet buys stock all the time
Me: Which buffet? Crazy Buffet?
Dad:…er…no, Warren Buffet.
Me: OHHH, you mean Warren BuffeTT. As in Buh-FET, not Bufay