…… in my dream last night.
=( What a horrible horrible nightmare… Have forgotten bits and pieces of it as the day gone by… I was on a trip for something, and was in a hotel room. The room was in the corner of the tower, so it had glass walls on 2 sides, with cloth curtains. For some reason someone else was in the room, but I don’t remember how he got in in the first place. I think he was trying to kill me (no idea why), so i freaked out and started stabbing him with a knife (no idea how the knife got in my hand either). He fell to the ground face down, and i kept on beating him with a stick till he was no longer moving… =( Looking at the bloody body on the floor, an overwhelming feeling of both fear and grief overtook me, to a point that it was hard to breath. I tried convincing myself that it was ok, both lawfully and morally, since it was in self-defense. As I stood there frozen, not knowing what to do, C&M (2 friends of mine) showed up. They just got back from selling things at a fair, and they seem to be staying in the same suite as me. They didn’t react much to the scene, and told me someone was killed at the fair also while they were there (forgot why, either the person was thief and killed by the public or was killed by the person that was trying to kill me). Then C&M dissappeared, and my dad showed up. I told him in tears that i’ve killed someone, but he calmly said "I know" with a smile (not sure if the smile was to calm me, or he was happy that i was able to defend myself, or if the event was too much for him to process). He said he saw the whole thing on the street because my curtains were open. Then dad was gone, and the extreme fear and grief returned… I didn’t know what to think, then i started hoping… this can’t be real, this has to be a dream… this is too horrible to be real… wake up… (slowly, the hope turned into a logical thought.. my brain started analyzing the situation, and decided that something this horrible can’t possibily happen to me in real life. ) slowly, I forced myself awake and sat up…. thank god it really was just a dream… but the grief didn’t go away… i sat in front of the computer idly w/ a heavy heart for 15 minutes.. then looked at the time.. 6:15am.. looked at my long list of scheduled meetings for the day that started at 7:30am.. set my alarm for 7:15am.. and went back to bed…
so i wonder…. am i having this dream because I’ve been watching too much Full Metal Alchemist season 2 (a pretty gruesome and bloody anime)…. or was that person I killed a manifestation of work… >.<
has anyone had similar or really traumatic dreams?
I’ve had some pretty traumatic dreams in the past, including:
– being shot by a gun
– death of a loved one, woke up crying
– and one from when i was really young.. got separated from my parents somehow, and after finally finding them after days or weeks, they rode away on bikes, not hearing me calling out to them…
those were the nightmares… there were plenty beautiful dreams also which i posted on xanga a while back.. haven’t had or remembered a good dream in a while though…