been watching a lot of Romance movies lately

I find that there is a recurring topic of being in love versus love… being in love is exciting and all, but love in general, although not as passionate, is more long lasting.

back to what i learned in psychology, three pillars of love = commitment + passion + intimacy.  Which I interpret to be mind+body+soul. Love in general is more balanced, perhaps equal weight on all three. Being in love however puts more weight on passion and intimacy, therefore being in love can be temporary. Don’t know if there are couples out there that stays in love for the rest of their lives, I think that’s pretty difficult, although it’s possible to fall in love w/ the same person all over again periodically. But then of course I’m speaking theoretically, what do I know right? XD  Was speaking to a friend last week on the topic, and we discussed  how love is an action, not a noun. In her words, it needs to be “refreshed” periodically through actions.

um.. ok.. back to the movies… all these movies have in common is it’s not your average fairy tale love stories… they seem more real.. although 500 days of summer is still somewhat of a fairy tale

Before Sunrise/Before Sunset – a story about meeting and not being able to be with who seems to be your true love. But maybe it’s the short encounters that heightened their feelings for each other. They are in love, but it might not last. If they got to be together, they’d start finding out about the not so amazing things about each other. The endings left the viewers hanging, wondering about what happens next. it’s one of those stories where everyone has their own ending. What’s unique about the film is that there’s not much happening, the whole movie is pretty much an ongoing conversation between the two of them, and that the two films are filmed 9 years apart, exact # of years between the encounters. It was interesting to see the change and growth in acting skills in the actors. To be honest, i want them to be together, because they don’t seem too happy with the lives they currently have. But at the same time, they each have their own life/family now, it’s unfair to neglect everything/everyone else to be together. I think if they do in some way love their current partners, then they should try to stow away this special bond, and go on with their lives.  Best things in life are to be appreciated, not necessarily owned, although owning would be optimal.. XD If they don’t love their current partners at all, then maybe it’s in the best interest of everyone for them to start a new life together.

500 days of summer – on true love… it’s a fairy tale about true love being not a fairy tale. to me destiny is simply a series of accidence/coincidence that led to a specific result. All of us have a hand in our own destiny, but not everything can be planned. In Chinese, there’s a phrase called 人算不如天算. You can planned your life as perfect as possible, but a small change or occurrence could throw everything totally off.  The male character was obsessed with the female character, thinking that she is the one, and there couldn’t possibly be any one else. But in the end, he finds someone better! I think perfection is relative, there’s no such thing as perfect, but only perfect enough. It’s about state of mind, if you believe something to be perfect, then it is perfect.

Shall we dance – about a non-affair…. this movie sort of reminds me of an age old question, which is worse… physical infidelity or mental infidelity… In some ways I’d say the main character had an affair… maybe it’s reasonable to feel drawn or attracted to someone else, but the difference is not acting on it, and understanding that the attraction is not full love. Attraction is heavily slanted in one pillar, passion. I’m glad the main character got to see that, and transfer his passion for the instructor to dancing instead.


About m0untainmist

I'm awesome ;-) j/k...
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